Friday, September 4, 2009
Setting Exercise
Dried seaweed clings to the dry sides of the beached submarine. Like remoras to a shark that are just along for the ride. It smells of dead fish and sour milk as I approach vessel. Half of the sub is still in the water, meaning this sub has been landed intentionally. I climb to the top of the submarine and a blast of salty humid air hits me. The seas are tranquil and wave less, a storm is coming. I try the hatch and to my surprise is already opened slightly. The smell of death and decay shoots up my nose as I open the hatch fully. Humid air chokes me as it escapes from its trap. A blood trail leads down the 10 step ladder. I unholster my berretta and proceed into the darkness. The hatch slams shot and sends a loud crack throughout the entire submarine. The device to open it from the inside has been ripped off. The flickering lights give a strobe light effect. Pupils’ dilating and constricting with no rhythm. I take out my flashlight and scan the next room, obviously the kitchen. No blood, no stench, just the faint taste of metal and dust. The table is littered with papers and a half eaten egg sandwich. I enter the sleeping quarters, what I see confuses me. All of the beds have been stacked in a circle in the back of the room, as high as the ceiling. I sit and listen for any signs of movement. Nothing except the steady increase in my breathing. The adrenaline beginning to kick in. I move towards the right side of the mattresses. My muscles begin to tense. I move without a sound. My eyes focus, my grip tightens around my weapon. The mattresses fall with one heavy kick. There is nothing inside, just an empty corner. The mattresses fall over one by one like dominos. I scan the next room which appeared to be an exit hatch area. Wet suits and scuba gear hang from the walls. I took some of the gear and headed to the exit hatch. The clicking of one button released me from the confines of my iron death trap. I swim out of the hatch and to the side of the sub. I take a moment to watch the sun rays hitting the water before getting beaten back by the darkness. In the corner of my eye I see flash of metal being hit with sunlight on the hull of the sub. I hesitantly swim towards it. An easy victim of human curiosity. I get close enough to see what the object is. I gasp and send bubbles out of my mask and choke on the sudden decrease of air. A watch on an officer’s arm, tied to the ship is the object. I shuttle around the perimeter of the ship and find that the crue had been tied to the hull of the sub. How this was done I don’t know. Another apocalyptic creature mutated by the fallout in the region? I need equipment for the coming winter and I thought a submarine would be a viable source. The tide urges me on as I head back to shore. I feel the waves gently wash over my back. I forget how many months of have gone by since the blasts. I’m amazed I have made it this long.
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Combine your first two sentences. The second is a fragment.
ReplyDeleteFragments and run-ons are a clear weakness for you. Remember that you can't join two sentences with a comma. You must use a comma AND a conjunction such as "but" or "and". A complete sentence has a subject, verb, and expresses a complete thought. It makes sense.
It's not enough to just run spellcheck. if you'd proofed this, you'd have surely found such obvious mistakes as "The hatch slams shot".
Now, on the positive side, you have intrigued me. Is a flashback coming, or do you move forward from this point?